Going postal...

Some people...

On the whole, Burners receive some well-mannered and polite requests. But every so often, there's the odd request that stand out as being mighty strange.

Some of these are mildly humorous ("Can you fit them onto one CD as I don't want to pay postage for five"), while others have been downright stupid and demanding ("I want romz send me now!").

The following are excerpts of postings (newsgroup and mail).
We get many "you are legally compelled to do everything for me, immediately" demands: 
GIVE ME UR ADDRESS TO SEND CD OK I DONT GET THESE
WEBSITES SHOW ME THE ADDRESS PLS OK I WANT KILLER
INSTINCT 1 AND 2 ROM OK AND THEN TELL ME WHAT EMULATOR
I NEED FOR IT AND WHAT IS IT CALLED AND HOW U DO IT OK
Someone wants just a few games but can't understand that without the accompanying hard disk images, ROMs on their own are useless: 
Sent: 27 November 2002 03:14
Subject: REQUEST FOR BURNING A FEW MAME 62 GAMES PLS

PLS JON COULD YOU DO ME A FEW GAMES CUS THEY ARE FAR
TO BIG TO DOWNLOAD. COULD YOU DO ME PLS AREA 51 THE
COMPLETE VERSION PLS AND ALSO MAXIUM FORCE PLS ALSO
THE COMPLETE VERSION THANKS ALOT.

Sent: 28 November 2002 00:42

I DONT UNDERSTAND ON THE PART WHERE YOU
PUT UPDATE YOU SAID YOU CAN DO AREA 51 AND MAXIMUM
FORCE JUST THE ROM SETS WITHOUT THE HDD IMAGE I DONT
UNDERSTAND THAT, HOW WOULD IT PLAY WITH OUT THEM.

I GOT CDS AND JIFFY BAGS AND STAMPS SO I WILL POST
THEM AS SOON AS YOU EXPLAIN THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH

Sent: 28 November 2002 18:17
IT DONT MAKE SENSE AT ALL AS YOU KNOW I WANT AREA 51
AND MAXIMUM FORCE BUT I WANT THEM TO WORK. IF YOU HAVE
A WORKING ONE COULD YOU DO ME ONE AND I SEND YOU THE
ITEMS. THIS TALK BOUT 135 ROMS AND HDD IMAGES DONT
MAKE SENSE TO ME.
Feed me now! Feed me now! 
Newsgroups: alt.games.mame
NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 06:07:43
From: "HONG KONGer" 
Subject: Anyone has broadband connection can send me the complete set of MAME roms?
Eh, I've decided I'm not hungry anymore. 
Newsgroups: alt.games.mame
NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 06:10:48
From: "HONG KONGer" 

Forget it, I don't have enough disk space.
.. but it didn't stop asking someone for food over IM:
HONG KONGer: hi
Peale: er...hi.
Peale: who are you?
HONG KONGer: do u have mame roms?
Peale: why, yes I do.
HONG KONGer: I found ur email on somewhere on the web. Do u have a complete set of MAME roms?
Peale: why, yes, I do.
HONG KONGer: Do u have broadband connection?
Peale: why, yes, I do.
HONG KONGer: send it to me pls!
Peale: it?
HONG KONGer: MAME roms
Peale: No.
HONG KONGer: why?
Peale: because it's 4.8 gigs. Request them from TombStones like everyone else.
HONG KONGer: I know, why can't send it to me? Size isn't matter to me.
Peale: because I'm not going to hose my connection sending you a days worth of bandwidth, when I've got other things to do. Request them from Tombstones, or hit the newsgroups.
HONG KONGer: ok
HONG KONGer: remove my name
Peale: no problem. remove mine, and forget you ever saw me.
Posted over in alt.games.mame: 
From: altgamesmamesucksmyass@yahoo.com
Subject: Tombstones will go down, I promise

Hello all you complete loosers in here, how are you all? Still giving
people crap about asking questions? Still having people's auction's
taken off ebay because you think you are the exclusive distributors of
MAME games?
I as well as a few other avid classic gamers (mostly here in the USA)
have created an anti-tombstone group called G-31. Our number one
purpose is to create as many headaches for your silly little newsgroup
and "burners" as possible. You people have played the MAME police for
way too long and I as well as many others are sick of it!!!!!! We will
not stop our untill tombstones.org.uk is no longer an active site. We
do not care how long that takes. We will not stop untill we have
achieved our goal.
You have now been warned, feel free to sit here and discuss it all you
like and call us names or go on a rant about it in mame chat. We will
be monitoring you closely.
As for all of you US "burners" who may be reading this. You might want
to know that it is a federal offense to mail anything in which you
have collected money for that holds a copyright to anyone who does not
have the rights to receive it. I promise you that even though you
state you are only collecting money for shipping you are in violation
of federal law. If you would like to check the validity of this claim
just goto the usps web site. We have already received game disks from
a number of you in the last few months and have logged everything. The
IDSA is also being kept up to date with all of your activity as well
as Sony's Anti-Piracy division, Nintendo's Anti-Piracy dicision, as
well as Sega's.
You people are a sad bunch and now the time is on the clock. You may
not know when or how but your world will come crashing down. IT IS A
CERTAINTY!!!!!!!!!!
(footnote: this post met with several responses, but there were no further replies. No burner ever received any "cease & desist" letter. A few had paypal accounts closed due to disputes, but none were ROM-related, and certainly none of the authorities mentioned there ever claimed responsibility. The troll faded into history.) 
From: ilovemame@yahoo.com (tombstones will die)
Newsgroups: alt.games.mame
Subject: g-31 is active and will destroy tombstones
Date: 8 Nov 2002 13:34:20 -0800
NNTP-Posting-Host: 38.210.7.186
X-Trace: posting.google.com 1036791260 11608 127.0.0.1 (8 Nov 2002 21:34:20 GMT)
X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse@google.com
NNTP-Posting-Date: 8 Nov 2002 21:34:20 GMT

hi Lamers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just wanted to write and say "You Suck!!!!!"
We are working every day on disrupting your stupid burning program and
many many letters have already been written to the proper authorities
and many more will be. can't wait to order the .62 release disks from
you guys so we can begin selling them through auction sites and our
FTP. You people are such morons.
One question though, why is it that when people write in and ask about
ordering a set from you loosers you respond and say it is a request
and not an order but when you goto the lame ass web site under the
testimonials page there are written e-mails stating "My order came
through quickly" or "the order was processed in not ime at all". ----
Idiots, every last one of you!!!!!!
One of you lucky US burning chaps will get arrested in the US from
sending out ordered sets of roms through the USPS we promise. It is
just a matter of time and a matter of who.
"""""""""""LONG LIVE MAME FOR SALE"""""""""""
G-31 has spoken.
be afraid.
be very afraid.
They're right that some requests have been called "orders" so whilst the many thank-yous afe graciously accepted, we refrained from publishing any that may have presented the wrong impression. However, nothing more was heard from "G31" (nor their strategy of reporting burners for alleged crimes would clear the way for them to profit from that same criminal activity...).

Some years later, Tombstones was indeed pulled by US authorities -- but that was due to a craven hosting company cowering before bullying legal threats of losing their datacentre. The site simply migrated to a country that practised free speech and continued as normal.

Then Lazarus arose....